The Unavoidable Suicide

[Aharon]

The Unavoidable Suicide

He gunned down himself without any trepidation. The sound of the shoot was shrilly spread, and overly the blood poured on the floor of his room. The tidings were errantly released between people, and no one sent an errand to his paramour, so the news about the departed came so late. His spirit was softly slipped from his gory body and it ascended to a very far place, where it was asked, to choose how it liked to spend its life before judgment day. It was very happy because it somehow got rid of the painful feelings that it had. It became more joyful when two angels came after a long time of waiting. They asked, "Why did you commit suicide?" Thence no one lies. With pleasure it said, "I cannot live with the one I loved, so I slew myself, it was due to the affliction of the affection." Notably it saw that these two lapis angels never affected by any thing around them, they only ask and listen, no signs or gestures appeared on their faces. They told it that they would offer up to a long time to live until trumpet blows, announcing the last day of life, it did not understand what both of these angels meant, it questioned to make clear of what they already said. They told it, that it can choose the way it liked to live in this period. Enthusiastically it asked, "Can I choose to live on the earth?" Their responses were. Yes. It chose to live on the earth, but before it was sent, they asked it to choose only one sense of the five senses. It stayed up to know what is the most sense can help it to be somehow active and happier in the duration that it would live. It discussed the matter with itself, "They said that eyes belong to sight, and eyes are part from the heart, blind hardly love, and love is blind, to touch and to hear without making the one who is touched or who is heard feels me, it will be all in vain, I will choose sight, to see the people, my family and my beloved." It told them that it decided to choose sight as the sole sense from the other four senses. The two angels bestowed it the sight, told it, that it can go wherever it liked to go, as soon as the place is wished to be visited. When it knew that, it became happier, after it got this feature, it became so agile and sprightly spirit, and it could feel its jocund and jovial soul. It thought that when the spirit leaves the body behind, it will be a terrible calamity. When the angels set it free, it set off the long journey; the first place leapt to its mind was its beloved's place. As it knew, wherever the person or the place was, quickly would reach it, its beloved was in the airport waiting for her sister who came from Helsinki, it could not believe that it can see its beloved smiling to her sister, how they hug and how cheerfully its beloved conversed with her sister after a long absence, the spirit could focus on the mouth of its beloved, watched over every motion the lips made, then it moved to her crystal eyes, wherein, it found its source of life. It said, "Life of them is not life of me." Then it stood on the shoulder of its beloved, making itself surveying every part of her, it was so happy to see its beloved from very short distance, from her shoulder, when in real life it could not stay with her, shoulder to shoulder. It jumped from the right to the left side, watching her ears, her hair, her neck, her ornaments but it did not see the necklace that it always saw her wearing it. They took a taxi, it is sad because it could not hear her voice, or listen what they were talking about. It missed her voice, and her inaudible soft tone. It asked itself, "Why did she not look pale? Me thinks she does not know about the suicide." But her joyful mouth and her happy face intercepted its self-conversation, because it could not ignore its beloved while she was smiling or laughing, but this laughter assured it, that she did not heard the tiding of death. It recognized that it was set apart from that body which enclosed it. It felt that it never belonged to it after this separation, and it wondered how the spirit easily poured out about the true feelings. Along the way to home its paramour was asleep, it might because she early woke up, it could keep an eye on her eyes and on her innocent face, it wished that it could touch it, said to itself, "Alack I chose to see, I rejected the feature of touch, but what is the benefit of regret now? Anyway I am so happy right now." It remembered its family, wished to visit them………. It found its mother was weeping and wailing on both the body it dwelled before and on the spirit which is itself now, it came on its mother eyes tried to draw a sign that it is in here, then moved to came on her bosom to feel how deeply it was cherished in it, its eyes blubbered when it saw the way its mother was crying, the way its brother and sisters were wailing, and how they arrayed the mourning attrite. "What can I do?" it said, then profoundly poured out what was inside of it, "what can I do, she kept away from me, she did not make me feel that I am special, I could not bear the pain for all these year, four years of love and affection, I was enamored by her spirit, by her nature and personality, I never knew why she disregarded me for all these years, why did she ignore me whenever I tried to tell her about my feelings toward her? Why? I did not know why? In her eyes I found myself, her eyes reflected myself to me, I found out that she is the only one, the only one I love in all my life, but she made sure to be away from me, I did not know, when I looked at her eyes, I felt that she felt the same feelings I had, late when she talked to me or when she dealt with me she proved to me that she did not feel what I felt, after every meeting and when we took leave, she never looked back to know if I looked back, I was the heartsick lover, and she was the block-hearted ignorer, though I loved her, and I waited for the day she would pour out some of her inward feelings, but she did not do it, her valour prevailed my weakness. Is not love bold? To disregard one's affection is a sheer weakness, while to exchange the same feelings with whom you are in love is a quite humanity, she is human and more, she is extraordinary prissy girl whose deeds based on philanthropy, she knew nothing about misanthropy, so why did not she agree my affection, I remember that once I asked a girl I already knew. If one's love appeared through out his deeds, via his words, reflected on his eyes, would not the beloved feels that love? At that time she answered, for sure he/she would feel this love and from the vary beginning. I also remember another girl who told me that the girl feels deeply if she is loved. So I am sure she knew that I loved her, she never reacted when I treated her in private way, and I was disregarded when courteous words uttered from my mouth. For four years I wailed and wept, I found that my problem was like predicament matter, my tardy decision fallen out after heavy despair, sadness drove me to commit suicide, but now I am somehow happy to see her whenever I want".

[Aharon]

The Unavoidable Suicide

Part 2

It gave heed that it wanted to see her, it found itself in her private chamber, dressed her night-garment, about to sleep. How happy it was when it saw her in this natural appearance, her hair was freely swagged on her shoulders and on the tip of her back, her semblance was ethereal, looked like an angel framed in human shape, it could see her hands, which it never forgot, it perceived her honoured neck, the upper part of her breast was bare, the sight gave it a strange feelings, sadness and mirth, it fell into the trap, being disregarded in the normal life, and being allowed to see its beloved whenever she was, these two feelings made it fall into deep depression, remembered how its life was finished, left behind this vivacious girl, lost the probable attempts to succeed and win Helen's love. Her name is Helen and she is more beautiful than Helen of Troy, though France never saw that old mythological girl, the owner of this naughty spirit was France. While the spirit of France was in the most desperate situation, Helen betook to the place where her mobile phone was, it was in the drawer, she held the phone, after ten seconds she threw her phone on the sheet of her bed, two more seconds she fell down on the bed. At first the spirit of France did not know what was going on, it saw an utter downfall, a surprised eyes!, a quick faint!, it did not realize what fell out, who got on to her! What s/he said! But no answerer answered it. It kept to watch her, after three minutes or more, she got up and hastily she went to the bathroom, she locked out the door, then she took the razor which she used to shave her underarms hair, cut up her vein, the spirit watched what fell out with Helen, disbelieved what she had done, it could not prevent her from this action, but instead it groaned and wailed on the dying Helen until she passed out and died. It could not grasp why did she slaughter herself? What is the reason which incurred her to kill herself, but it kept weeping on this calamity. Its beloved died and it did not know why. A short time after, the aforementioned two angels that France's spirit met, came to tell him that there is a spirit was waiting for him in the upper seventh sky. It asked about the venue, they said, "Beside the mansion of the holy ghost." They disappeared, when it betook there, it saw its beloved's spirit was welcoming. Happily they hugged each other and the freeze of the seventh sky touched their airy kisses, France's spirit asked, "Why did you slaughter your soul?" Helen's spirit replied, "Our kisses are the answer France's spirit." Then it grinned. Aside France's spirit said, "O god I killed two lives my life and hers, why did not I reveal my love thither on the earth? But I thought that if she was from different religion she would reject me-" Helen's spirit interrupted France's with a sudden kiss but now on the cheek and then run away, her wonderful laughter filled the route, he followed her until they reached a place concerned the new died humans and the new born spirits. They decided to sojourn there before continuing their voyage. Inside of that ethereal place, repentance was forgotten, when two new spirits, for the new generation begot, an idea that said that lovers must not be bigot.

2nd December. 2005



Tidings: News.
Pour out: Frankly and openly expressing feelings.
Fall out: Happen.