أخوية - Dear diary(a stupid one)

Dear diary
Today I will tell u about my feelings that I usually don't let anyone shares not even u
Sometimes I feel something that I really can't explain, first I thought that I am in love but then I realized that I am wrong because it is not for a special one it is just the love fires of love that can't go out to anyone because they are afraid to become cold afraid that they would go to someone that doesn't really deserve all the love that I hold inside or to let the love turns into mean or a kind of selfish or owning to that person
I don't really know if I love to love I just don't know I don't know the reason maybe because all the love stories that I know ended in disappointed feelings and let the persons be alone with no one else to share their sadness
Or maybe because I am scared that my love story will be very perfect and complete which I am not ready at all to hold that completeness and be responsible about it
Am I too young to talk about such things ? or I just like to say that to not feel the loneliness that I am living ?
Is keeping my feelings safely inside just for me better than letting them go out and let them experience the real life and love ?? I can’t find the answers Dede tell me just for once what do u think ?? ha I waited those answers and many other ones for a very long time but no one said anything do u know why?? I guess not and neither do I .
Should I keep on feeling this emptiness and loneliness for the rest of my life just to not let anyone take the proceed of them? But no I don't really want the answer so please Dede hush and don't speak because I know what u are saying please don't tell cause it really hurts to know how deep is the darkness hole that I live in don't tell cause in deed I don't wanna know so just let me speak and ask and u keep silent ……